I will never forget the first time I tried on a pair of skinny jeans. I was shopping with my little sister, who had hopped on the skinny jean trend months earlier and encouraged me to give it a shot. I was uncomfortable from the first centimeter. Why were the ankles so tight? Was this meant to happen? Is this the wrong size? Slowly I worked them up my legs, wondering the whole time if it would get better. I was suddenly aware of the entire surface area of my legs. As the stretchy fabric climbed I noticed every single millimeter of leg. I became aware of a spot I had missed shaving on my knee. Would these fit better if I didn’t have a single strand of hair? Would these go on better if I hadn’t put lotion on? Should I be working this hard for a pair of jeans?
Eventually, after my dramatic start, I got them up. They even zipped and buttoned easily. I walked out of the dressing room to the three way mirror. Despite my sweet little sister’s insistence that I looked great in them, I was horrified. Who would design these monstrosities? The ratio of dark blue around my thighs to dark blue around my ankles was so wide I couldn’t even believe it! People wear these? In public? I decided to focus on the positives: my ankles looked awesome. I have excellent ankles. Everyone would be so jealous of my ankles if I wore these. I can’t show these ankles off in public. People would be way too jealous. I wriggled out of the jeans as fast as I could and vowed to never wear skinny jeans.
It took two more seasons before I eventually gave in and bought a pair. Then it became two, then three. Before I knew it, my killer ankles were always on display. I forgot how unflattering these can be and just dove right into it because that was all that was offered. I patiently waited, knowing that eventually the vanity of the consumer would make its way to the ears of manufacturers. Last year, flared jeans really attempted a comeback and I knew, I knew that this day was coming. Finally, after years of waiting, while shopping this summer, I found these 7 For All Mankind jeans. They were back!
I really don’t have as much against skinny jeans as I would have you believe. It is simply that I just so much prefer bootcut. My love story with bootcut jeans isn’t particularly complex or hard to understand. Bootcut jeans are simply much more flatting to female bodies. While skinny jeans narrow as they go down your waist, highlighting the area many women are self conscious of, bootcut jeans flare out again balancing the whole number. As an English major, math was never my strong suit. I am fairly certain, however, that there is something in geometry to explain why bootcut jeans create much more flattering lines.
Further, you can’t wear flats with bootcut jeans. Well, you can, but they end up dragging on the ground as you walk, ripping the back and causing you to bare a striking resemblance to Avril Lavine circe 2003. If this is what you’re going for, by all means rock it, but I much prefer just wearing a slight heel. Wedges with bootcut jeans make me feel delightfully 70’s, and I wonder as I walk down the street if other people know how much fun I am having pretending to be a flower child. The best option though? Booties. They have all the comfort of a wedge, with the fun click click click of a heel. They elevate the jeans into a stylish outfit and all of a sudden you’re no longer just wearing jeans.
I once read that Jennifer Garner claimed she would wear bootcut jeans until the day she died. I have never felt more validated. No one has a more rockin bod than Jennifer Garner, and if even she doesn’t like skinny jeans, then what are the rest of us mere mortals supposed to think? The moral of the story? If you want to give skinny jeans the boot, both Jennifer and I support you.